Mr Brightside
by Victoria Kathleen Wright
Summary: "Jealousy, turning saints into the sea, swimming through sick lullabies, choking on your alibis..." And as he's on his knees, he can't help but think that if he'd just felt back then, he wouldn't have to compensate now and be flooded with every emotion he's ever felt and more.


_I'm coming out of my cage_

_And I've been doing just fine_

_Gotta gotta be down_

_Because I want it all_

He emerges from his sanctuary, the library, after what seems like decades. It was empty, of course, because who the fuck is in the library before classes even start? Even Madam Brun, who always seemed to adore him, was glaring at him for intruding upon her sanctuary. He knows the expression well; he's used it so many times himself.

Two third-year Hufflepuffs are the only ones in the hallway, and even though he doesn't stop to give them a first glance, they stare at him, open-mouthed, shocked to finally see the legendary Slytherin in the flesh before anyone else this year.

Inside, a tiny bit of him is pleased with their reaction, even as he strides on by.

_It started out with a kiss_

_How did it end up like this?_

_It was only a kiss_

_It was only a kiss_

He revels in his new reputation this year, as the mysterious bully never to be crossed - and for once, not the victim. He rarely thinks about the catalyst for this transformation, a night he's almost fully erased from memory.

It had been June, almost exactly three months ago, when he'd been up on the Astronomy Tower - a Wednesday night, and so luckily it hadn't been already

occupied for, _ahem_, recreational purposes - glancing out of the telescope, graphing Leo, when his elbow bumped into the telescope, shifting it down. He looked back up from Leo to see the one sight he'd been avoiding for the past month - her.

Except it's not just her. It's her being pushed against a wall. It's her with a calloused manly hand wearing a ring Severus could never afford dragging through her flaming hair. It's her and her lips being assaulted by another pair. It's her and her breasts so very vivid even in her jumper. It's her running her desperate hands over and around and over the smooth lean build of the boy with her. It's her knocking off his chunky glasses and ruffling his unkempt hair.

It's Lily Evans being corrupted by James Potter and evidently loving every second of it.

_Now I'm falling asleep_

_And she's calling a cab_

_While he's having a smoke_

_And she's taking a drag_

That night, he didn't sleep. He watched the couple until they left at half past midnight, and then he packed his things, turned around, and walked. He walked around the castle and on the grounds. He walked and walked, not caring about the caretaker or the curfew. In fact, he didn't care about anything, he realized as he sank to his knees in the middle of an empty Slytherin Common Room.

_Now they're going to bed_

_And my stomach is sick_

_And it's all in my head_

_But she's touching his chest now_

_He takes off her dress now_

_Let me go_

_And I just can't look its killing me_

_And taking control_

That night has never replayed in his mind since. But secretly, in that time when it's not night and not yet dawn, he can acknowledge (but only if he's very,very intoxicated) that he is now held by that untouched memory's power.

When he laughs at Rosier skinning a live cat, it's because of that night. When he brews a potion of his own invention that can melt the drinker's eyeballs, it's because of that night. When he tampers with her potion in order to just ruin one of the perfect things in her life, it's because of that night.

When he goes to an invite-only, very hush-hush meeting in a shady pub in Hogsmeade, it's because of that night.

_Jealousy, turning saints into the sea_

_Swimming through sick lullabies_

_Choking on your alibis_

_But it's just the price I pay_

_Destiny is calling me_

_Open up my eager eyes_

_'Cause I'm Mr Brightside_

And the year after, they're public. And people look at him. They look at him with sadness, with pity, with scorn, with laughter, with any and every emotion.

His audience anticipates a breakdown, a change in personality.

And he smiles and smirks and laughs gleefully on the inside because what they don't know, what little Miss Golden Girl and Guy don't know is that he's done - so done - with them. The breakdown that they want has happened and he's a changed man, thanks to them.

So Black can jeer all he wants, he's not getting a reaction out of Severus.

_I'm coming out of my cage_

_And I've been doing just fine_

_Gotta gotta be down_

_Because I want it all_

And then suddenly school's over. And he's the valedictorian, if Hogwarts awarded a valedictorian, and yet he's working in a dirty little apothecary down in Knockturn Alley.

But it's still him on top because Potter and his gang of goons have to go into hiding - all because of Severus and his little back room.

The others are jealous, and they watch as he continues to succeed and subsequently get rewarded. Their eyes glint with gold and greed and power.

All that flashes in Severus's black eyes is just a flash of scarlet and the glint of glasses pushed together.

_Now they're going to bed_

_And my stomach is sick_

_And it's all in my head_

_But she's touching his chest now_

_He takes off her dress now_

_Let me go_

He works and he rises and eventually he's working on something involving the Golden Couple themselves.

And then suddenly there's so much more to it.

Because now it's not a faceless wonder who he's handing over to be slaughtered - it's the bane of and the reason for his existence.

And it's too late to take it back. It's all his fault because he was just going through the motions and now she's dead, dead, dead.

And as he's on his knees, he can't help but think that if he'd just felt back then, he wouldn't have to compensate now and be flooded with every emotion he's ever felt and more.

If only he hadn't looked at the bright side.

* * *

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or "Mr. Brightside" (The Killers).**


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